The Matrix Reloaded… Mini Review

There is no spoon. There is no story either. The most anticipated movie of 2003 easily becomes one of the most disappointing flicks I have ever seen. Although there are some pretty amazing sequences in The Matrix Reloaded, the one word that kept popping up in my mind was “sloppy”. The cuts were sloppy. The acting was sloppy. The score was sloppy. The story was real sloppy.

My biggest problem was with the continuity between the first film and this one. Forget the fact that Neo learns how to really break and manipulate the matrix code at the end of The Matrix. He seems to have forgotten it completely in Reloaded and there’s no explanation why. My guess is so he can do a lot of very pointless kung fu (and there is a lot of it).

Good points? Sure. The fight sequences are well choreographed. It’s great to watch Neo kick a little ass. Carrie-Anne Moss is very beautiful in it. The French guy (sorry, don’t know his name) was a stand-out performance. Agent Smith is still one of the coolest bad guys ever. All of this was still not enough to save the flick.

Everyone is going to see this movie no matter what. Still, take the blue pill and forget about wonderland. There’s no rabbit hole. Just a bunch of plot holes.

Wonderland Bound

I don’t know if you can really call a movie opening in 2000 theaters today a preview, but that’s what Warner Brothers is saying about The Matrix Reloaded. I guess when you compare it to 8000 theaters nation wide tomorrow, you can get away with it.

So I got my tickets for tonight at 10pm. First show baby! You can bet your franks and beans I’ll be posting about it afterwards.

Pre-E3 Bliss

There’s a smell in the air and it’s sweet. No, this isn’t a “Thoughts From The Bowl” post. It’s E3 week and that means under/overweight guys who aren’t getting laid, rejoice! Video game heaven is upon us. Thursday is my day to go to the expo, but until then I can wet my lips to the always excellent coverage from IGN. Here are my initial thoughts.

The oh so quickly dying Nintendo GameCube has it’s fair share of exclusive standout games (as usual). Mostly sequels or spin-offs of already popular games: Rogue Squadron 3, Metroid Prime 2, Pikmin 2, Star Fox 2, F-Zero GX, Mario Kart, Resident Evil 4, and Pokemon crap galore. All sure to be great games on an average system that no one wants to buy. The only thing that’s grabbing my eye is Rogue Squadron, but it’s Star Wars so it kind of wins by default. Overall, I’m not very excited. Nintendo should follow with Sega’s game plan. Focus on the great games they make. Become a full time software developer for every console and dump their piss poor hardware development.

Here’s a surprise. I don’t see anything too interesting coming from the GameBoy side either. A lot of remakes from the Super Nintendo days, but that’s really it. And to top it off, it looks like Sony is gonna ante up in the handheld market. If there’s any company out there with a realistic chance to slice away at the Nintendo monopoly, it’s Sony. The specs for their system look hundreds of times beyond anything the GameBoy is currently doing which to me is just more proof Nintendo doesn’t care too much about evolving. I mean they’re using the same basic hardware they’ve been using for the last 12 years. I guess you don’t need to evolve when you’re the only one in town. Guess what? That’s not the case anymore.

As always, Sony’s PlayStation 2 has a very healthy lineup coming our way. Castlevania, SOCOM 2, Syphon Filter, Metal Gear Solid 3, Jak & Daxer 2, and Silent Hill 3 all have my attention. What really gets me hard? Two words (and one number)… Gran Turismo 4: the “end all, be all” of racing games. I can’t wait!

All seems good in the Microsoft camp too. Some standouts Xbox titles: Jedi Academy, Fable, Conker, Republic Commando, Brute Force, and Crimson Skies. Xbox Live looks like it’s going to continue its enormous success with the large amount of compatible games being released. Seems like I’m forgetting something. Maybe it’s that little sequel to what I consider the best game of all time, Halo! I also think the Xbox is usually the best console for cross-platform games. That’s why I’m gonna mention in here Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Starcraft: Ghost, NASCAR Thunder 2004, NFL 2K4, NHL 2K4, and NBA 2K4. You have to be blind or stupid to think MS is leaving the gaming console market with this kind of firepower. It’s easily my favorite system out there so far.

Of course, the PC where the hardcore gaming is at and there are way too many title out there to even begin to list. My focus is all on Star Wars Galaxies, World of Warcraft, Jedi Academy, Counter Strike, Unreal Tournament 2004, and (naturally) Halo.

Alright, I’m tired now. I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to say on Thursday after the show. Until then, I’m getting back to my Battlefield 1942. See ya on the servers.

Stupid People by Andy Rooney

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, “I’m Stupid”. That way you wouldn’t rely on them, would you? You wouldn’t ask them anything. It would be like, “Excuse me…oops…never mind, didn’t see your sign.”

It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, “Hey, you moving?” “Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how any boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.”

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol’stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, “Hey, y’all catch all them fish?” “Nope. Talked ’em into giving up. Here’s your sign.”

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there’s only one way to test it. “Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good… They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you.” “Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don’t wanna lose it.”

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, “Tire go flat?” I couldn’t resist. I said, “Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here’s your sign.”

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, “Darn that’s hot!” See, if he’d been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn’t you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn’t get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning …okay…no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign…until he asked, “So, is your truck stuck?” I couldn’t help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, “No, I’m delivering a bridge…here’s your sign.”

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, “Are you still here?” I replied, “No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here’s your sign.”

I haven’t read this in a while. Still funny as hell.