Welcome to “Thoughts From The Bowl”. I am currently writing to you directly on my PowerBook in the middle of me pooping on my toilet. God bless 802.11b and Airport! This is probably going to be a continuous column that I only write while on the toilet (of course) since I tend to take my Book with me anytime I go. And now onto my thoughts.

I need to get more toilet paper tomorrow or I wont be doing anymore of these columns. As always, I grab the Charmin Ultra double rolls because they’re softer and thicker than ever. I don’t skimp when it comes to the health of my ass and you shouldn’t either.